339 – December 5
“Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.”—African Proverb
My friend, Shelley, and I were talking this morning about dating. She had just been out on a date, and was recapping for me what had transpired. Although she had no interest in pursuing this particular relationship, she said it had served its purpose.
“What purpose is that?” I asked.
“Well,” she said, “I want to be more social, spontaneous, comfortable talking with men. Usually I’m uncomfortable.”
“I know what you mean,” I replied, “I get uncomfortable too.”
She said, “Well, at least you go out—you joined that dating service.”
“I certainly don’t use it much now,” I rejoined.
“Why?” asked Shelley.
“I don’t like the energy when someone really likes me and I don’t feel the same way.” I pondered a moment, then said, “And I don’t like the other energy either—where I like them and they don’t feel the same way.” I sighed. “I guess the only energy I like is when I love them and they love me back.”
“But the price of getting that is you have to risk the other!” Shelley exclaimed.
“Yeah. It’s frog kissing—and sometimes I’m the frog!”
We laughed ruefully over the age-old conundrum. It struck me then how this dilemma that keeps people from dating, also keeps people from making sales calls, looking for a new job, or asking for a raise. We feel tense and uncomfortable both when people don’t respond well to us and when we don’t respond well to them. We like it when our energy is in sync: Harmonious, receptive, loving. Thoughtful and generous. Kind.
We need courage to confront the potential negative feelings. Without risking the down side, there can’t be any up side. And I realize as I type this that I can’t do anything about anyone else’s energy—only my own. If I take care to center myself, to come from a loving place with my fellow beings, perhaps our interactions will be more comfortable.
The more I risk, the more love—and money—I allow into my life.
Take a risk. Go somewhere you can meet people. Smile at a stranger. Go on a date.
“The world awaits in friendly fashion, happy to grant my desires today!”
If we’re ever going to reach any of our goals, we have to learn to get comfortable being uncomfortable. We’re never comfortable doing new things, going new places, or meeting new people. It’s an adventure and a mystery – we don’t know what will happen, whether we will be admired, accepted, and loved or rejected, dismissed, and disliked. We’re much more comfortable being with people where we already know we are accepted and liked. We like situations like we’ve been in before so we know what to expect and that we can handle it.
But “if you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten” as the saying goes. If what you’re getting now is perfect for you, by all means, keep on doing it. But do a few unexpected things now and then, too, or you may miss out on some of the most wonderful people and glorious experiences of your life! Yes, it could be worse…but it could be so much better, too! How will you know if you don’t try out some new things now and again?
Plan something new this week. Go to a networking group you’ve never attended before. Reach out to someone on Facebook or some other social media site. Begin a conversation with a stranger. Open up to let something new and wonderful into your life. Have an adventure, and share about it with us here. You may help others have the courage to step into adventures, too.