Updated insider information by Chellie Campbell, author of “The Wealthy Spirit: Daily Affirmations for Financial Stress Reduction”
“Success is moving from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”—Winston Churchill
“I have a question,” said the psychotherapist in my workshop. We were mid-way through the eight-week session and dealing with surviving storms. “Let’s say you’re having a bad day and you’re doing your affirmations anyway.”
“Yes,” I said, acknowledging the scene she had set.
“But you’re not doing them with the enthusiasm that you usually do them.”
“Does that matter?”
The class erupted in laughter as she sighed and hung her head.
I laughed along with them. “I know that’s not the answer you wanted to hear, but it’s the truth. What you need to do is keep doing the affirmations until you get the enthusiasm. This is where acting comes in handy: Act as if everything is wonderful, dream your dream, think about what you want to have happen, and pretend like it’s happening now. Feel the feelings that you feel when the good times are rolling. Talk yourself into feeling good now, in the present. That’s the energy you want to have when you start working your plan for success. Success comes in this order:
1. Affirm and feel the emotion of success
2. Believe you are a successful person
3. Get the actual success
Most people have it backwards. They want to get the success first, then they will affirm and feel the successful feeling, and after that they will believe they are successful. But you don’t get corn out of the field before you plant it. Just reverse the process! Then success will truly be yours.
Before he became famous, Jim Carey went to the Hollywood Hills and shouted affirmations, declaring that he was a famous movie star got paid $10 million per movie. He has stated that he did this until he believed it. He wrote a check to himself for $10 million and dated it several years in the future. Years later, on that date, the check was good. When his father died, Carey put the check in his father’s pocket to be buried with him. He had practiced daily affirmations, believed in himself, envisioned his success as a major motion picture star, and then became the successful celebrity that he is today. Not the other way around.
Today’s Affirmation: “I believe I have the power to achieve!”
The following is a very pointed article about Women, Money, and Power by my friend, Deborah Peters. It is very much in alignment with a free teleclass I did recently titled “Women Don’t Ask” (you can access the recording at http://www.chellie.com/complimentary-teleclass-041811.html). This is a powerful story!
The concept of Women, Money and Power is not new. WE, women, have been driving at it for some time. Generations, Decades, Centuries.
Take my name sake for example; Deborah in biblical times was a General. She rallied the troops (men) and commanded them to victory ~ and she fought along side of them. Interestingly enough she doesn’t get much play in either version of the bible. The Torah gives much more space to Deborah’s talents and accomplishments. In the Torah – Judges IV – Deborah was a Prophet. She sat under the Fig tree and the
people came to her for advice.
Women, Women in positions of Power, Authority, and Knowledge. If it’s been going on for eons; (Deborah was hot around 1125 B.C.) then what’s NOT happening now?
Let me share an experience I had with you not too long ago. I’ve been a professional speaker since 1992 and have delivered customized Keynote speeches in over nine countries around the world. I stopped speaking for free in the mid 90’s and my current Keynote fee is $12,500 to give you some scope of how hard I’ve worked to develop my talent. In the professional speaking world; you can’t get a speaker bureau to represent you unless you’ve been commanding at least $5K for a 45 minute Keynote. So, in the grand scheme of the industry $12,500 is decent but hardly celebrity status.
As part of my firm’s Suite of Services; we teach seminars on various Professional Development skills and tools and one of my participants asked me to provide a talk to her Professional Women’s Group. The topic in particular; was to be on Women, Money and Power. Her group is a non-profit organization to a specific industry with a small budget for such events. She offered me a stipend of between $500 and $600. This, combined with the networking/marketing opportunities would make my time worthwhile ~ I typically get most of my clients from being the expert delivering from the front of the room. It was also my way of contributing to her growth and development; which for my clients I am delighted to do.
The usual follow up 48-24 hours prior to the event for last minute details revealed they were not willing to deliver on their commitment to pay the stipend. We had settled on $500. I had this event on my calendar for several weeks, had spent several hours knocking out the right language for the topic so that suited the Executives of the group and several more hours writing and developing the contents of the talk; including the interactive portion they requested. Their response was they didn’t have the budget and that I should go ahead and do the talk for free in hopes that I gained business from the talk.
I put my Coaching hat on when my client delivered this news and suggested she go back to her Board Members and help them get perspective. There is so much wrong with this that I’m not certain where to begin. You must know that the purpose of inviting me to deliver such a topic was due to the frustration of the women members with hitting the “glass ceiling” in their corporate careers and typically loosing out
to their male counterparts. I recommended she start with something like this: So, are you suggesting that we are not willing to pay a WOMAN to deliver the tools we need on a topic about WOMEN, POWER and MONEY and that we, at the 12th hour (or ever for that matter) expect her to deliver FREE a service that is the basis of her entire career/business?
Is it any wonder that this is the topic they need(ed) the most?
Let me unpack this issue for you: Had I subjugated myself and gone forward this is what would have happened:
1) I would have sent them a direct message that I wasn’t worth being paid for my time/talent/expertise
2) That they could indeed, display such bad behavior and sad business ethics and it was acceptable
3) That it’s ok to work for free
4) That they are right in asking for less, expecting less and accepting less
5) That THEY aren’t worth it – whatever IT might be – Money, Power, Success, FREEDOM
6) That my message was meaningless; I didn’t really mean what I had to say!
7) That we as Professional women can treat other Professional women with disrespect
8) That I should let them determine my worth
9) That I was weak and would roll over and let them take advantage of me
10) And, most importantly, I would be telling me/the Universe/God that I wasn’t worth it; that my work, talent, gifts and business were not worth being honored by fair and equitable payment.
Their tact was, it’s ok if you don’t wish to speak for free; we are willing to cancel the event. Is this the best you’ve got? You avoid taking responsibility for blowing me off, badly I might add, given the topic of the speech. Is this your best out?
Using this experience as a Coaching tool for my client was brilliant. It became more about her in that moment than anything because her greatest issue in her business is getting paid for what she is worth.
My understanding based upon the career trajectory of the other members; this issue runs as a thread among them. Do you suppose this is why they wiggled out of having me address such a chaffing topic?
Looking in the mirror at one’s inadequacies is never a great ball of fun.
When I suggested this to my client; that she go back to her Board in a quick and swift conference call and get them to the table I could feel her shrinking on the other end of the phone. This was now revealing itself as another great fear – owning her power among her peers. It appears to me they were all supporting one another in being small and subscribing to the concept of the struggle and the glass ceiling. Here was a group of well educated, C level Executive Women with (I would hope) six figure salaries and between them they couldn’t chip in $50 – $100 each to pay my small stipend so they could gain the greatest tools possible to help them own their power in their careers?
The sucking sound on the other end of the phone from her hyperventilating was overwhelming! This pushed her biggest self worth button of all time. What would they think, say, or do, if she were so bold as to not only request but orchestrate some accountability and insist they each chip in the cost of a decent dinner and a glass of wine to fund my fee. Unfortunately for all, they weren’t capable of stepping up to the plate; I say of course, with great sadness.
To digress for a moment, if I were a man coming to speak, I highly doubt there would have EVER been an issue following through on payment. Is it any wonder Women have issues with Money and Power – getting it, keeping it and most importantly empowering other women to get it! This really is the real issue. And it’s the basis for the talk I had prepared to deliver.
You see Women function from a different neurology than men do. It’s not better and it’s not worse ~ it just is what it is. And it is worth looking at because observing the differences in the genders and HOW they think provides great value. There is a great deal at play. Mostly, programming and conditioning.
This is shown in a multitude of ways. For example men work together and help one another ascend in life. It’s very common for men to function much like a fraternity or band of brothers throughout life helping one another get to the next level. Now, before you argue how they also can be very competitive and cut throat; let me just say that goes without saying and is a given. It can be nasty, dirty and yet somehow it is just business.
We all know that exists. My point is this; through my many years of Coaching top level performers around the world in high ranking positions that have typically been men; they’ve all managed to surround themselves with other men that prop them up.
Recently watching a Joel Osteen sermon he speaks to this; don’t just surround yourself with people that are merely WITH you; rather, surround yourself with people that are FOR you. What we may all not realize is that by cutting someone off/down, they are in essence doing it to themselves. The male gender is brilliant at lifting one another up – rallying around the up and comer with the right introductions to the right people at the right time – and then advising the young whipper snapper on how to maximize the opportunities. They provide funding, support, guidance, encouragement and a swift kick in the pants if
needed. This is a process that has been fostered, nurtured and encouraged for multitudes of generations. So much so it’s become a Neurology.
We can only grow and expand in outward experience to the degree that our internal paradigm allows. The more we foster and fuel a particular pattern and program in our minds and hearts the more it becomes us until it is us. From there it shoots out like a sonar attracting to us that which is in alignment with it. As men have fostered this concept of a helping hand up for centuries – the boys are born
with it….this is the edge they have. It has literally developed their Ajna/Third Eye over time to be most useful in application of achieving that which they go after. The Third Eye – this command and summoning center – the Eye of Intuition, the ability to see the future possibilities – to focus in and zero in on what’s next and a connection to the Pineal Gland – the gland of the Endocrine System = Fire. This can be developed for any gender – yet women haven’t as a mass done so over generations/life times.
This more polished neurology shall we say, is very advantageous in taking action on that which is desired…imagine the exponential possibilities when done so throughout the generations for a whole gender.
The Sense Organ/Action Organ of the Pineal/Ajna is a very useful neurology in success on the material plane. Where women have a tendency to compete with one another and feel threatened by other
successful women, and even hold one another back, men consider the success of a prodigy to be a compliment.
For example – a beautiful woman looking stunning will walk into a room and most of the women will find a fault in her – wrong color lipstick, did you see her hair, or that awful handbag etc. Only a few women will admire and compliment her command of attention. A well appointed handsome man walks into a room and is received with revere and awe of the power he commands.
Basic differences in the wiring.
So as we address the concept of the glass ceiling in career growth – is it a dying paradigm? How much of it is supported as much by women as it is by men? Is it the women who hold the women down and back from their next level of success? How much of it is a projection of our internal program – projecting into the world that gender is the divide when it comes to Money and Power?
Deborah Peters is Founder of Neuro Engineering Institute; a Master Trainer in Neuro Linguistic Programming, a Business Coach, a Professional Speaker and a Mentalist based in Los Angeles and working Internationally. You can reach her at Blog@nei-mind.com
Copyright 2011 Deborah Peters Neuro Engineering Institute